"...I will try to Fix You" - Coldplay - Fix You
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Clean Up My Soul
"Could you make a phone call to Jesus to clean up my soul?" ask July For Kings in their song "Girlfriend".
How often do you stop during your day to wonder, "Am I doing what I have wanted to do my whole life? Is this my purpose? Am I working towards my life goal? Am I really doing what I want to do?"
Probably not very often.
However, if we really do take the time to stop and think about it, we may come to an interesting revelation.
How many of you can honestly say, at this very moment, that you have everything you need in life: that you are truly happy, at this moment? Not very many, I'll bet. However, funnily enough, every single human being with a breath left in their body is in the pursuit of happiness. Happiness can mean different things to different people: a bottle of wine, a girlfriend, a home, a child, a job, a loaf of bread, a trip to Montenegro... However, it is the road we take in the pursuit of happiness that sometimes lead to our demise.
Every road has its pitfalls. I'm not embarrassed to say that I seem to have followed the pitfalls rather than follow the straight road in my life. I've lost countless friends. I've made terrible mistakes... with people and with work. Can I blame it on a turbulent childhood? On an overprotective mother? On a closed society? Perhaps.
But in the End, we have only our own decisions to account for.
I made it to college last year. College in America had been my goal since I was six years old - and I have my diary entry from fourteen years ago to prove it. I didn't made it to college like I thought I would - meaning, I found more pitfalls than highways on my way; but there's another lesson for you: nothing in life ever does work out as you plan. I've now learned to simply deal with what life has to offer me; take everything in my stride, because in the End, it's how you dealt with life, and what you made of what it has to offer, that counts. Who's to say that that person with a $1.5 million home and Mercedes Benz is happier than me with my closest friends, lying out in the beach with a bottle of wine watching the sunrise?
That's not say that I'm not a planner. I plan every detail of my day! I learn from experience; I never make the same mistake twice. And I consider myself incredibly blessed for the life I lead...I've come amazingly far. And I DO want to make a name for myself, I do want financial stability. However, that is not my supreme goal in life. My goal in life is to be happy at every moment possible. And no, this does not mean I do not cry; heck I cried during the Spain-Chile World Cup Finals match yesterday! But only those who know sadness will ever know what true happiness feels like.
So what brought on this tirade of thoughtfulness?
Yesterday I was at my cousin's house when his mother and I got to talking. My aunt was saying that human kind is suffering - our lives are a continuous rhythm of tears, loss ans hardship, dotted with a few instances of laughter. She's a very religious person, and we started talking about Judgement Day... the End of the World as we know it, and such. We started talking about the program I'd seen on CNN putting forth a scientific hypothesis regarding the End of the World, and discussed the End of the World as is described in the Book of Revelations. Writers and poets from centuries ago pen the demise of the world, engulfed in fire. Only a handful of God's children are supposed to remain. In the movie 2012, a startlingly realistic picture is depicted, of the End of the World.
What does this all mean?
I wish I could say that I will embrace death when it comes; that I have lived my life to the fullest thus far, and will die happy, or at least, without considerable regret or remorse. Perhaps if you had asked me this question three weeks ago, I probably WOULD have given you that answer.
However, about two weeks ago, I came over close to facing Death; indeed, I saw myself staring into the shadowy darkness shrouding Death, and I screamed in fear.
Truth is, I DON'T want to die, not here, not now. When I was awoken at 3.30AM by my mother receiving news of a Tsunami warning due to an earthquake in the nearby Nicobar Islands, I panicked. Sri Lanka had been hit my a tsunami before, which had completely devastated a part of the island. It had destroyed the hotel we were holidaying at, when we received the news. One of my worst fears is death by drowning: I had nearly drowned twice when I was young, I'm always apprehensive of deep ends in pools, and sea-bathing. And needless to say, I did not have much faith in the Sri Lankan Meteorological Department: to me, the Tsunami could hit at any moment. And we would be the first to be washed away as it was supposed to hit Trincomalee first (where we were) and indeed my family and I would be the first victims as the ocean was right outside our window.
As I had predicted, to my dismay, my mother decided that we would stay the night, and not leave immediately.
My mother is not one to act spontaneously. All her actions are well thought out, or planned. I have the habit of planning, then following my heart all the same. However, we were in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night - there was no where I could go. So I found myself lying in bed, listening to the hissing of the waves as they crashed on the rocks outside.
Truth is, I was NOT ready to die; I was young, and I had so much to live for! Were the decisions I made until that day enough to guarantee Eternal Happiness? And to the non-religious: were the decisions I had made completely satisfactory? Had I gotten everything out of life so far?
It was at that moment that I knew what Gift God has given us in giving us Life. Our 'reality' is man-made; and it this so-called 'reality' of education, occupation and marriage that is making us suffer. We as human beings are supposed to embrace life, enjoy the smaller things in life, like our times with our friends, and the smile of a child. How many of us can say that we are happy, at this very moment in time? Does our new iPhone make us happy? Does our new skinny jeans make us happy? Or does that memory of you and your friend in high school, or of you meeting your first love (even if that hadn't ended too well), make you happier?
When Judgement Day comes, it is not your salary, or phone model, that will save you. Even if you are not religious, don't you think that some day, when you are grey and old, that you will be happier cherishing those memories of taking time out of your day to grab a beer with your friends than that memory of punching numbers into a calculator?
On the road to happiness, avoid the pitfalls. Avoid friends who will take you down the wrong road, avoid making those decisions that you know will not make you that person you know you want to be. It was when I was lying in bed, envisioning being washed off by the Tsunami wave, that I wanted to make a phone call to Jesus to clean up my soul. And we can do that, right here, right now, by making the decisions that sometimes we make not want to make, but we know will finally aid us in the pursuit of happiness.
It's not about where you're from, it's about where you're going. It's never too late to clean up our act.
Sometimes, it's hard to make the "right" decision. Sometimes we don't even know what the "right" decision is! Think about it: if you make the "wrong" decision, and end up suffering, you can't really go back in time and make the "right" decision, can you? So what good was that "right" decision, if you never knew it was "right" at the time? Reality is not always black and white; not everything is clearly labelled "right" and "wrong". Which is why I don't believe that there is any such "right" decision. You make a decision which you feel is best, and deal with the consequences.
Maybe you're not doing what you've wanted to do your whole life. Maybe you're life purpose isn't what you thought it ever would be. Maybe, at that moment that you stop and think, the trivial duty you're performing may not seem, to you, a step towards your life goal. Maybe you're not doing what YOU want to do, but what you're told to do, or what you feel you SHOULD do, as opposed to what you WANT to do. But, at the end of the day, no matter what your life goal is, no matter where you find yourself at this moment, know that, when the End comes, it is your own decisions that will save you, that it is your choices that we lead you to Eternal Happiness. So call a friend, crack open a drink, and soak in the good times, learn from the bad times, and live for the moment.
But in the End, we have only our own decisions to account for.
I made it to college last year. College in America had been my goal since I was six years old - and I have my diary entry from fourteen years ago to prove it. I didn't made it to college like I thought I would - meaning, I found more pitfalls than highways on my way; but there's another lesson for you: nothing in life ever does work out as you plan. I've now learned to simply deal with what life has to offer me; take everything in my stride, because in the End, it's how you dealt with life, and what you made of what it has to offer, that counts. Who's to say that that person with a $1.5 million home and Mercedes Benz is happier than me with my closest friends, lying out in the beach with a bottle of wine watching the sunrise?
That's not say that I'm not a planner. I plan every detail of my day! I learn from experience; I never make the same mistake twice. And I consider myself incredibly blessed for the life I lead...I've come amazingly far. And I DO want to make a name for myself, I do want financial stability. However, that is not my supreme goal in life. My goal in life is to be happy at every moment possible. And no, this does not mean I do not cry; heck I cried during the Spain-Chile World Cup Finals match yesterday! But only those who know sadness will ever know what true happiness feels like.
So what brought on this tirade of thoughtfulness?
Yesterday I was at my cousin's house when his mother and I got to talking. My aunt was saying that human kind is suffering - our lives are a continuous rhythm of tears, loss ans hardship, dotted with a few instances of laughter. She's a very religious person, and we started talking about Judgement Day... the End of the World as we know it, and such. We started talking about the program I'd seen on CNN putting forth a scientific hypothesis regarding the End of the World, and discussed the End of the World as is described in the Book of Revelations. Writers and poets from centuries ago pen the demise of the world, engulfed in fire. Only a handful of God's children are supposed to remain. In the movie 2012, a startlingly realistic picture is depicted, of the End of the World.
What does this all mean?
I wish I could say that I will embrace death when it comes; that I have lived my life to the fullest thus far, and will die happy, or at least, without considerable regret or remorse. Perhaps if you had asked me this question three weeks ago, I probably WOULD have given you that answer.
However, about two weeks ago, I came over close to facing Death; indeed, I saw myself staring into the shadowy darkness shrouding Death, and I screamed in fear.
Truth is, I DON'T want to die, not here, not now. When I was awoken at 3.30AM by my mother receiving news of a Tsunami warning due to an earthquake in the nearby Nicobar Islands, I panicked. Sri Lanka had been hit my a tsunami before, which had completely devastated a part of the island. It had destroyed the hotel we were holidaying at, when we received the news. One of my worst fears is death by drowning: I had nearly drowned twice when I was young, I'm always apprehensive of deep ends in pools, and sea-bathing. And needless to say, I did not have much faith in the Sri Lankan Meteorological Department: to me, the Tsunami could hit at any moment. And we would be the first to be washed away as it was supposed to hit Trincomalee first (where we were) and indeed my family and I would be the first victims as the ocean was right outside our window.
As I had predicted, to my dismay, my mother decided that we would stay the night, and not leave immediately.
My mother is not one to act spontaneously. All her actions are well thought out, or planned. I have the habit of planning, then following my heart all the same. However, we were in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night - there was no where I could go. So I found myself lying in bed, listening to the hissing of the waves as they crashed on the rocks outside.
Truth is, I was NOT ready to die; I was young, and I had so much to live for! Were the decisions I made until that day enough to guarantee Eternal Happiness? And to the non-religious: were the decisions I had made completely satisfactory? Had I gotten everything out of life so far?
It was at that moment that I knew what Gift God has given us in giving us Life. Our 'reality' is man-made; and it this so-called 'reality' of education, occupation and marriage that is making us suffer. We as human beings are supposed to embrace life, enjoy the smaller things in life, like our times with our friends, and the smile of a child. How many of us can say that we are happy, at this very moment in time? Does our new iPhone make us happy? Does our new skinny jeans make us happy? Or does that memory of you and your friend in high school, or of you meeting your first love (even if that hadn't ended too well), make you happier?
When Judgement Day comes, it is not your salary, or phone model, that will save you. Even if you are not religious, don't you think that some day, when you are grey and old, that you will be happier cherishing those memories of taking time out of your day to grab a beer with your friends than that memory of punching numbers into a calculator?
On the road to happiness, avoid the pitfalls. Avoid friends who will take you down the wrong road, avoid making those decisions that you know will not make you that person you know you want to be. It was when I was lying in bed, envisioning being washed off by the Tsunami wave, that I wanted to make a phone call to Jesus to clean up my soul. And we can do that, right here, right now, by making the decisions that sometimes we make not want to make, but we know will finally aid us in the pursuit of happiness.
It's not about where you're from, it's about where you're going. It's never too late to clean up our act.
Sometimes, it's hard to make the "right" decision. Sometimes we don't even know what the "right" decision is! Think about it: if you make the "wrong" decision, and end up suffering, you can't really go back in time and make the "right" decision, can you? So what good was that "right" decision, if you never knew it was "right" at the time? Reality is not always black and white; not everything is clearly labelled "right" and "wrong". Which is why I don't believe that there is any such "right" decision. You make a decision which you feel is best, and deal with the consequences.
Maybe you're not doing what you've wanted to do your whole life. Maybe you're life purpose isn't what you thought it ever would be. Maybe, at that moment that you stop and think, the trivial duty you're performing may not seem, to you, a step towards your life goal. Maybe you're not doing what YOU want to do, but what you're told to do, or what you feel you SHOULD do, as opposed to what you WANT to do. But, at the end of the day, no matter what your life goal is, no matter where you find yourself at this moment, know that, when the End comes, it is your own decisions that will save you, that it is your choices that we lead you to Eternal Happiness. So call a friend, crack open a drink, and soak in the good times, learn from the bad times, and live for the moment.
Friday, June 25, 2010
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